Thank god it's football season again!!!!

Yesterday was the first tailgate of the year and it was incredible. It was a little rough at the start, but that's expected at the first tailgate. I had my first beer at 8:30am. It was a noon game, so ideally I would have liked to start drinking at 7am, but it all worked out and I was shit faced by 10:00am. I think that tailgates are gonna be all about cornhole this year, which is a good thing because I'm amazing at it. I had a pretty good run today but as my drunkenness progressed, I became worse and I eventually lost. There was no sexy hot dog eating contest today which is good; i'm done with that phase of my life. All in all the tailgate was amazing, but I'd have to say the highlight of my day was ribfest. After the game was about halfway over, AJ and I made a little trip down to ribfest outside of Heinz field and got a pulled pork sandwich. IT WAS INCREDIBLE!! I'm really tempted to go back there today and get another sandwich. After the game I took a nap, woke up at 7, and then ended up falling asleep again at 10:30pm.

Now I'm at school wasting away at this stupid work that I have to do. My goal is to get out of here by 8:00pm tonight.

Couldn't resist

I'm the bitch of the civil engineering department

So my summer vacation is over!!!!!!!!!! I thought that this week was going to be a cakewalk and that I was going to be sitting on my ass drinking beers and losing my mind to the tv. So here is how my awful day started. First let me rewind to Monday. I was feeling ambitious and decided to go and work out at the gym. I worked out so hard that I still can't walk right because my legs hurt so bad. I've been doing the Gatti shuffle for 2 days. Tuesday I went to the vag doctor (that's a story in itself) and while I was there I got the gardasil shot in one arm and a tetanus shot in the other arm. So this morning, I woke up around 8am and I was still in serious pain in both of my legs from working out and both of my arms from getting the shots. So I thought to myself, "let's pop some vicodin and go comatose on the couch for a few hours, I got nothing better to do." I take the vicodin and before it hits me I check my email and there's an email from my professor saying that I best be getting my ass to school asap. So I freak out and run up the stairs, shower, change and pack my schoolbag. Then I run down the stairs and pack myself 3 meals and run out the door and make it to school by 9:45. Keep in mind that the commute is about 30 min. So I got there in record time.

I visit my professor and take care of some odds and ends and then I go up to my office on the 11th floor. I walk in and there's 5 dudes in there. None of them are from this country (no surprise there). One's from Colombia, one's from Iran, one's from China, one's from India and the other dude that was in there is from some Asian country, i'm not sure which one. But they all seemed like nice boys....until I caught them checking out my butt when I bent over to plug in my laptop. It should make for an interesting year.

So the reason that my day was so bad is because once I made it to my desk and got settled in, the vicodin started to kick in and I start feeling all woozy and out of it. That's great, I have shit ton of work to do!! In a nutshell, by Friday, I have to run program 1700 different times using different inputs. I spent 6 hours today just figuring out how to make 1700 different combination and typing in the file names. And all of this work is to help out the PhD students. It's BITCH WORK!!!!! I'm fine with doing that, but I don't appreciate being slammed with a project that would take me 2 weeks to do and expect to have it done in 2 days!! It's horse shit!! Hence, the title of this blog.

So right now, I'm writing this blog while half shot in the ass (compliments of AJ and his vodka). The video of the day, an oldie but a goodie

Not the first day of school for me!!

My apologies to all of you who started school today (which is all of my friends and sister). I don't start school until tomorrow at 5:30pm. Infact, as of right now, I only have class tuesday and wednesday nights. Sounds like a 5 day weekend to me!! This all will probably only last for a week or two. Because pretty soon I will either have to start doing research or be a TA for a class. But as of now, I don't have shit going on.

So let's see...what did I do since the last time I posted. Well, I went to the Maroon 5 concert on thursday and it was freaking awesome!! We tailgated a few hours before the show. Megan drove and cooked all the food and I bought it, plus the beer. I was a little peeved that only one person chipped in for food and beer. But, it's ok because next time I go over their houses and drink beer I'm not chipping in squat! So after getting drunk at the tailgate, I proceeded to go to the concert. On the way in, I found someone to buy my last ticket!! That pretty much made up for not getting any money for food AND it redeemeed my stupid sister and her roommate for almost screwing me out of $60. The concert was amazing!! By the end of it I wanted to run up onstage and jump the lead singer's bones. He's so hot!!

On Friday, I had my fantast football draft. I have a bitchin team and can't wait for the season to start so that I can kick everyone's ass!!!

Saturday I went to the bars and got shitfaced.

And finally, yesterday I was on campus all day because of the activites fair. I gave out 1000 t shirts for telefact in an hour! Pretty nuts.

Here's some food for thought for all of you people who are my age or older. Most of the kids who are starting college this year were born in 1990! WTF?? Makes me feel old.

Here's a video of my new sexy man Adam Levine. Mmmmmmmm mmmmmmmm

DHL has hot delivery drivers

I've recently noticed that all DHL delivery drivers are extremely good looking. I've seen about 10 in the past week and they've all been hot! I wonder why this is, maybe it has to do with those brightly colored red and yellow uniforms. I'm not sure but keep it comin!

So last night I started to drink that bottle while at work AND (this is the best part) I managed to open it without a corkscrew. I used a screw and a hammer. I know, i'm a genius. Next thing I know, it's 11:00 and I drank the entire bottle! It was one of those large sutter home bottles. So needless to say I was shitfaced and I pissed the bed. (big surprise there right?) So I have to wash the goddamn sheets AGAIN. If anyone out there ever sees me black out drunk (it's pretty obvious), PLEASE make me go to the bathroom before I go to bed. No matter what I say, just make me go. I guarantee whatever you say to me I won't remember so don't be nice.

I'm in a way better mood today, the callers are a little less angry today. Thank god, I was about ready to choke a bitch. And now for the video of the day. Today there are two videos because I couldn't pick. The first one is this woman who is a weight lifter and while attempting to lift a weight, she pisses on the mat. Watch closely.




The second one is titled "Who Pooped in the Pool?" Enough said.

A little stressed and bitter for no good reason

So I haven't blogged since Saturday and there are 3 reasons for that.

1. My family was here the whole weekend and I didn't really have time to sit and write about what went on.
2. This is day 2 of my marathon week at Telefact. Normally this is where I create all of my little masterpieces but this is move-in week for pitt so I have been talking to retarded freshman and their asshole parents for already 4.5 hours today and 9 hours yesterday, so I haven't had time to write. I've writte 5 lines and started this an hour ago and it's gotten nowhere.
3. Meg (my sister) has been a little high maintenance these past 2 days and so I've been spending my time with her.

I had a lot of fun with my family this weekend, I'm really glad that they came and stayed with me. Loaded questions was possible the greatest thing ever! But because of reasons #2 and #3 and a few other unmentionable incidents, I'm feeling stressed and bitter. There are so many stupid people on campus right now!! And everyone is really angry because of the stressful move in and they call me and take the anger out on me and it's horseshit! I'm in a terrible mood because of all these assholes. Why can't everyone just chill out? I think I might break my soberness and get a bottle of wine and drink it tonight.

I can't wait for the Maroon 5 concert!! I'm going to get completely shitfaced and blackout and try to steal weed from everyone at the show. Soo...maybe someone else should drive home.

I FUCKING LOVE THIS BAND!!

Oh Cooper.......

Last night I had a sleepover with a certain someone and we went to sleep at around 11:30pm because I was pretty tired and I wanted to rest up before today. So I go to sleep and at 5:00am Kari busts through my door. My door was shut and in order to open it, you need to throw your shoulder into it because it's warped and sticks to the frame. So she busts through the door in nothing but her bra and sweatpants and I jolt out of bed, scared shitless and ask her what's up. She had been borrowing my car this entire week to go to training for her new job so I thought she might be looking for my car keys. So I said, hey! what's up? are you looking for my keys? She goes, yeah. So I tell her that they're downstairs and I'll go and help her look for them. So she starts walking towards the bed and I'm like, hey I'm butt ass naked, I wouldn't do that if I were you. Next thing I know she crawls into bed with me and my sleepover buddy and passes out. So my buddy and I are laying there while she's dead asleep and we're like, well, what now? So we got up, I put some clothes on and we went and slept in her bed. Then at like 8:00am, she comes back into her room and says, why did we switch beds? I just started to laugh and laugh and then we switched back again. So for those of you who are counting, this is the third time that miss cooper has drunken slept walk. Stay tuned for more drunken sleep walking tales.

This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass

Argument with myself

I have been discussing the chinese gymnasts pretty extensively the past 2 days and I would like to fully express my opinions here in my blog so that they can be known. The thing is, I'm not sure what my opinion is. I've been thinking about it a lot and I see both sides of the table. So here is my argument with myself.

Side #1

FUCK CHINA!! Clearly those gymnasts are younger than 16. They look like they're 10-12. I read on fox news today that one of them is missing a tooth which means that she still has baby teeth! If China is going to cheat, then why can't we cheat? If younger girls are better gymnasts, then we should have the opportunity, as well as every other country, to choose younger girls to compete. (I know why younger girls shouldn't compete, just making a point) Yes, China beat than us in the team competition, but maybe we would have beaten them if we were using children to compete for our country. And the fact that the IOC seems to be turning a blind eye to this whole thing really pisses me off. What kind of credibility can they have if they don't investigate this matter? I feel like they're worried about stepping on the toes of the host country and making a big stink. The FIG also needs to have a hand in this. I think that both organizations at least need to look into the matter. I'm not even sure how their exact ages could be determined if China doctored up fake passports, but I still would like some serious attention to be paid to the matter. I hope that in the coming months those chinese gymnasts are stripped of their medals and the United States women's team gets the gold which would give us international domination in the sport of gymnastics.



Side #2

Let's take a look at the bigger picture here and consider the situation of these girls. I heard that they are chosen at the age of 3 to be gymnasts. They see their families once a year and know no other life besides gymnastics. If they are under age, it's not their fault one bit. It's the fault of the Chinese government. If they do get their medals taken away from them, their whole lives up to this point would basically be wasted. Lord knows what is going to happen to them after the olympics are over.

So that's my argument with myself. I'm sure that it's flawed but whatever. The video of the day makes up for this serious blog.



p.s. I lost 2 pounds!!

Almost lost in Pittsburgh (trafford to be more exact)

So yesterday, after leaving telefact, I walked down to the bus stop at forbes and bigelow like I always do and waited for one of the 61's or the 59U to show up. So I get on a bus thinking that it was the 61F and I sit down and start listening to music and daze off thinking about what food I plan on eating for dinner. 15 minutes later I notice that we pass by a CVS and I start thinking, since when is there a CVS on the way to squirrel hill? Oh wait, there's not! Then I look at the front of the bus and realize that I'm on the 67F headed to Trafford! So I have a little panic attack and pull the lever and immediately get off the bus. I was about ready to start calling everyone I knew that had a car to come and rescue me. As I was dialing numbers I looked up at the street signs so that I could tell them where I was and then I realize that I'm at the corner of wilkins and murray and only 3 blocks away from forbes and murray which is like 4 blocks from my house. So in summary, I got on the wrong bus because I'm a jackass and ended up discovering new buses that take me close to my house. Yay for being an asshole!!

I went bowling last night and I had an awesome time! I went to arsenal lanes and I was a little bit skeptical about it because it was in this shady ass location in lawrenceville. But it turned out to be a pretty cool bowling alley. It doesn't have any fancy screens or ball returns but it was cheap and fun and there was a live band. I actually kind of felt like I was in grease 2 during the bowling alley scene. There's a bar too but I didn't go to it because I'm not going to drink for a while. The only bad part about last night was that I lost. AJ and I played 5 games and he won 3 and I won 2. I would have beat him except that my fingers and wrist and arm started to hurt by game 2 so I started to suck big time. But it was still a lot of fun and I want to go back once I build up some more muscle and kick ass!!

SCOOOOOOOORE TONIGHT!!!!

Grease 2 ~ Score Tonight *movie video*

The meatheads that work at GNC

Yesterday I went food shopping to stock up on all of the necessary items for my diet, or lifestyle change, pardon me. Before I went to the giant eagle, I stopped GNC because I needed to get me some whey protein powder. So I walk into the GNC, I've never been there before in my life and I was kind of scared to go in there. I was anticipating being the fattest, ugliest person in the store and having some awkward encounter with the guy at the sales register and sure enough I was right. I walk in and I was the only person in the store besides the 2 employees whose necks were too big for their shirts, total meatheads. So they both asked me if I wanted help and I said no. I know what I wanted, I just needed to find it. So I find the large jars that are clearly marked in large letters 100% WHEY PROTIEN. You'd have to be retarded to miss it. So I opt for 2 smaller ones so that I can get 2 flavors and I walk up to the counter and the dude at the counter looks at the jars of protein and then looks up at me and says, "have you ever had this stuff before?" And I said yes. I used to make the shakes all the time when I had mono to get better. Then he asks me what I plan on using it for. I look at him and I'm like, what does it matter, I just want to buy this. And then he asks me if I lift weights a lot and I looked at my arms and was like seriously? Does it look like I lift a lot? Then he points his finger over my shoulder and goes, "there's some women's formulated protein back there if you want that." Then I finally said to this asshole, "Are you gonna let me buy this or not? So he finally sold it to me and I walked out of there feeling so awkward. As if I didn't already feel like a fat, worthless piece of shit walking in there, that douche bag had to make it worse.

In addition to that scene last night I totally fucked up seeing a movie. I was supposed to go and see Pineapple Express with honey buns, Ravi and McCall at 7:45 at southside. I thought I left my place at 6 to go food shopping for these new foods, but I either left later than that because I can't tell time or I spent way too much time down at the waterfront. Regardless, I get a call at 7:20 from pagach asking me how I'm getting to the movie. And then I was like why are you going so early, and then I realized what time it was and realized that the only way I was going to make it is if I went straight there. But I couldn't do that because I had to put my food in the refrigerator and freezer. I'm so mad that happened, I was so excited to go and see Pineapple Express!!! Plus Ravi bought me a ticket so that made me feel like even more of an asshole. I always get so mad at peope for being late and not being able to keep track of time and here I am, the ultimate asshole not realizing what I'm doing. So my apologies to all those involved last night.

Women's gymnastics team final tonight!!!! Holla!!!


In honor of the missed movie last night

Crocheting hooks, the new wave in dental tools

Helloooooo everyone!!! Apologies for the weekend hiatus but I was glued to the couch watching the olympics and embroidering a christmas stocking. I am OBSESSED with the olympics, I love everything about them, the events, the athletes, the drama between countries. It's awesome! And how about last night with that men's swimming relay!?!?! Megan, Ravi and I screamed when the USA won. We probably woke up the whole neighborhood, it was incredible. So I plan on watching every moment possible from now until closing ceremonies.

So last night I was checking out the holes in my mouth to make sure that they were still looking good and everything was going good. I noticed that the one on the bottom left was full of shit even though I've been rinsing and doing everything I'm supposed to. So I stick my finger back there and try to dig all the crap out and that was a bust. So then I think, how the hell am I supposed to get this shit out of there with out seeing a dentist or seriously injuring myself. Then it came to me......a crochet hook! Not the normal sized ones, the little tiny ones used in thread crocheting. So I get the hook and go to town. I dug out a whole ton of crap and now my holes are crap free. So yay! I plan on repeating this digging again tonight so that they can close up with out shit in them.

In other news, I have decided that I need to go on a diet. Now before any of you roll your eyes and say, "you don't need to go on a diet, you're not fat" let me explain my reasoning. This morning when I woke up, I was like, "oh wow it's a little bit chilly outside, maybe i'll wear some pants." So I'm standing there in my underwear, looking at the display of pants hanging in my closet and then I came to the conclusion that I would not be wearing pants today because I can only fit in to one pair of my pants right now and they're dirty from a little incident at matrix last thursday night. I have like 8 pairs of pants in my closet and I can only squeeze my fat ass into one pair! So I decided this morning that I need to go on a diet because I can't afford to buy new pants. I only want to loose like 10 pounds. So hopefully it doesn't take too long because the cold weather season is just around the corner. I took two books with me to work this morning, the south beach diet and the abs diet (thanks roommates). After some careful reading and contemplating, I've decided that the Abs diet is the one that I will do. I think that the hardest part of this whole dieting thing is going to be cutting back on the drinking. I definitely need to cut back on it, I think that it's probably not a good idea to have 5 beers with dinner every night as the standard and then have more on top of that. So tomorrow will start day 1 of dieting because I have to continue reading up on the subject matter. If I'm going to do this, it's not going to be a half ass effort. I'M GONNA KICK THIS DIET'S ASS!!! It does say that I can have 3 drinks a week, so if 3 mad mex margaritas count as 3 drinks then I'm in business------just kidding! I definitely need to cut back on the drinking though, so starting tomorrow, no more beer for a while. So I need to get rid of like 15 beers by tonight.

Well, I think that's all for now, I want to give a shoutout to Steely McBeam! I saw him yesterday at steelers training camp, what a chode.

SNAKE SWALLOWS HIPPO!!!

Golden showers bring may flowers

Yes, it's true. I wet the bed last night. I finally christened the new bed. We all went to matrix last night, now known as just 'trix, and I got shit faced and peed the bed. Holla!!!!! For those of you who don't know me, I frequently wet the bed when I consume large amounts of alcohol. Actually I'm really happy with myself because I can't even remember the last time that I did it, besides last night obviously. That's a really big step for me, freshman year of college it was like every time that I got drunk I'd piss the bed. So now it's getting better. The occurrences are few and far between so I'm pretty proud of myself

I'm so freakin excited for the opening ceremonies!! But I do have one small minor issue with NBC and their programming decision. So today is 8/8/8. I thought that the opening ceremonies were supposed to start at 8:00. That makes sense, I thought that was the whole point, make it at 8:00 to continue the theme of the 8's. But the opening ceremonies are starting at 7:30!! WTF is up with that?? It's total bullshit and I'm not happy about it. I know that they already happened because China is 12 hours ahead of us, but still, that shit makes me mad.

It's a rare occurrence when I cry or get emotional. The opening ceremonies are one of those times. For some reason I get really choked up when I see the United States come out. I'm getting choked up right now thinking about it. So if anyone wants to see me cry tonight, come on over. On that note, let it be known that for the next 16 days my ass will be plopped on the couch and my eyes glued to the tv, it's olympics time baby!!

This is a clip from it's always sunny in philadelphia, my new obsession in life

Hurts when I sit to pee

So I did this workout two days ago and I am still in serious pain. What kind of motivation is that for me to keep working out? Every time I do it, I'm left in serious pain for days afterwards. I know that it means that I got a good workout and that if I keep doing it, it won't hurt anymore. WHATEVER! It hurts when I sit to pee goddamnit.

In other news, my new favorite show is It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. This show is incredible!! I suggest that you all go to hulu.com and watch it.

The 7th Annual Gattipalooza is 37 days away, holla!!! I'm pumped about it, this year's theme is easter and my dad is going to be hiding eggs so that means everyone is in trouble. I am a master egg finder so everyone better watch their ass!!

I'm going to matrix again tomorrow with the ladies. I can't wait!! I had such a blast last week. Speaking of having a blast. I got shit faced last night during our first sexual counseling session. I never realized how much guys suck at life until I heard some of the stories last night. I think that they need to go to sex classes and get their shit together.

An oldie but a goody

Can't find something to rant about

So I've been sitting here for the last hour trying to think about something to say and I can't come up with dick!!! This is really pissing me off. All of a sudden I just got this urge to bitch about something, but I can't think about anything to bitch about. I was going for one of those Jerry Seinfeld, "What's the deal with that?" gigs. I had an awesome one the other day and I forgot it and now I'm really pissed off.

Actually now that I think about it, I know exactly what I'm going to bitch about. For a graduation present I got this nice ass Pitt umbrella and I think that I've used it once since I got it. Not because I keep leaving it at home every time it rains, noooo, it's because every time it's supposed to rain and I lug that goddamn umbrella around, the rain goes away! WTF!?!?!?!?!!??! Today is a perfect example. I checked the weather at 11:00 this morning just before I left and it said that today there was an 80% chance of rain- and not just rain, STRONG THUNDER STORMS. I thought, awesome, it's definitely going to rain today, I'm going to go and grab my umbrella. It will be really nice when I'm walking home not to get all wet. I'll be the envy of the streets. So here I am sitting at telefact at 4:35 in the afternoon and I haven't seen one goddamn raindrop the whole day. I'm going to have to take that umbrella ALL the way back to squirrel hill and look like a huge dick because I'm going to be the only one holding a giant obnoxious umbrella. They're probably going to be thinking "hmm...is this girl retarded? didn't she check the weather today and realize that it's only now a 30% chance of rain?" I DID CHECK THE GODDAMN WEATHER!!!!!! Pittsburgh is such bull shit!! How hard can it be to figure out if it's going to rain?? Ok I'm done now.


Funny Quote: "Excuses are like assholes, everyone's got one and they all stink" -Compliments of Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Funny Picture:

Tacos + Margaritas + Hookah = Vom

After a glorious day at sandcastle yesterday we had taco night at our apartment. We made delicious tacos with all the fixings- salsa, onions, tomatoes, CHEESE, meat. I ate 4 of them, probably not the best idea, but they were so good! Then we made these tasty margaritas in the blender- well I didn't make the margaritas because I tried the first time and ended up flooding the countertop. But anyway, we're all eating tacos and drinking margaritas. I only had 2 but I was feeling pretty lit after those two large marges. Then we moved into the living room and started to play loaded questions and smoke some hookah. Next thing I know it's like 10:00 and I'm feeling pretty wiped so I decide that I'm going to go to bed. I walk up the stairs and just from doing that I feel really light headed and so I lay in my bed and try to go to sleep and 20 minutes later I get that feeling in my throat that I'm going to puke. So I hop the baby gate like a champ and sprint up the stairs. I made it to the bowl just in time and threw up EVERYTHING that was in my stomach. It was so nasty, throwing up tacos isn't the prettiest sight that's for sure. The worst part of this whole puking incident...and I'm a little hesitant to say this...is that the entire time I was laying in bed I had to pee really bad because of the margaritas. So when I was throwing up I peed my pants a little bit. Thank god there were no witnesses to this scene cause it was hella embarrassing.


Don't watch this unless you've seen the original "Charlie Bit my Finger"


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Ode to Sandcastle

Oh Sandcastle, how I love thee! Here are my favorite things about sandcastle:

1. The season pass is cheaper than joining a pool
2. The nuts smell amazing, I just want to put them in my mouth and suck on them.
3. The yinzer cess pool a.k.a. the wave pool
4. The clearance bathing suits, I bought one
5. All of the fat children. I swear their parents have to force feed them for them to be so fat
6. FUPAS!!!!
7. The quasi-chubby dude who wears the speedo and has long hair..he's Dallas' long lost love
8. The inane display of tattoos
9. Laughing at parents who's kids won't stop crying and ruin the day
10. The white slips of paper that are given out as parking passes
11. Walking into warm spots in the pool that were previously occupied by small children
12. Looking at all the pregnant women who are about to pop and thinking "sucks to be them!"
13. Napping in the lazy river
14. Using the grass sitting area as a changing room
15. Smuggling in liquor
16. Making fun of everyone in sight
17. Peeing in the wave pool
18. Watching people pick their wedge after going down the large slide
19. Picking my own wedge after going down the large slide
20. Talking about the weekend with my friends....awww




I decided that I'm going to try and include a video of some sort every time that I blog so this is the one for this blog:

almost forgot

So I almost forgot to mention that this my new obsession. Compliments of the 80s room at matrix.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZ9jPyZtl2E&feature=related

techno room blunders

So I jumped on the blogging bandwagon so now all of you assholes can dive in to my sick and twisted mind. I hope you're ready!!

So last night I popped the matrix cherry and let me tell you, I had an awesome time! I think that I had an awesome time for two reasons:

1. The events leading up to the arrival were extremely stressful and it was such a relief to actually get there that I went crazy

2. I freaking love to dance and I was never been there before and there were so many shenanigans going on between mccall and his gang dealings and alex and his thunderclapping.

So megan, alex, kari, amy, aj and I were in techno room because that was the prime drink getting location. So I start dancing in the middle of the floor by myself making an ass out of myself. Next thing I know, my flip flops hydrplaned and I fall on my knees in the middle of the matrix techno room. Everyone saw me and I was pretty embarassed. So that was the blunder in the techno room.

So now I'm sitting on the couch on a Friday night, in my underwear, scratching my ass, watching The Great Outdoors (a movie with John Candy), by myself and loving every minute of it. I just needed a night where nothing was going on and there's not anyone that I feel like I have to entertain. I also feel like I've been drinking way too much and exercising way too less so I think I'm going to go to bed at 11:00 and wake up early and exercise. We'll see if that actually happens but at least my head is in the right place.